Breaking the Cycle: A Word about Mothers and their Daughters
There’s a history of poor mother-daughter relationships in my family. My mother and my grandmother’s relationship has been strained (to say the least) for a number of years. Poor communication, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, animosity, competition…yep, that about sums it up! When you’re a child you can’t really process these things, but now as a woman and a mother – they’re all crystal clear, and it’s a pretty sad sight.
Unfortunately a lot of those same issues have found their way into my relationship with my mom because, well, to put it plainly…she chose not to break the cycle. Instead, she passed the drama right on down to me and my sister. And now as a result, our relationships with her aren’t in tip-top shape. But that’s where the buck stops.
When I was pregnant, I felt in my heart that God was going to give me daughter. I told Him that if He did, I’d do my best to make it different. I refuse(d) to repeat the cycle of broken mother-daughter relationships with my daughter. I didn’t know how I was going to do that or what it would look like; but, I made the choice then and I try every day live that choice now.
I know that I won’t be the perfect mom to C.C. We’ll have our own set of issues and I certainly won’t have all the answers to give her. My hope, however, is that when I’m long gone and she reflects on my time here with her – she’ll always be able to recall that I was there. That I was physically present and emotionally available for her. That I listened…not just to her words, but her heart. That I tried with all that I had, to love her unconditionally and put her first.
To me, that’s what breaking the cycle means. Despite what type of situation, circumstance, or family you were born into, you have the choice to make your life different. It’ll take a lot of hard work, but knowing that you planted a seed and grew out a new branch of your family tree will make it all worth it. This is my hope and my prayer.
“Fathers, be good to your daughters/Daughters will love like you do/Girls become lovers who turn into mothers/So mothers, be good to your daughters too…” ~ John Mayer