How an Argument Brought Me Closer to my Husband

My husband and I had a huge fight recently. Huge. It was one of those cyclical arguments where the point got lost after the first ten minutes, and the other fifty minutes were rounds of jabs, stabs, and cuts (with words, of course). Needless to say, it was ugly!

There was no resolution to the argument that night. Sorry, folks. We typically follow the, “never go to bed angry” rule, but it was a no-go this time. Per the usual case whenever that happens, we woke up the same way we went to bed: upset and exhausted. Things were tense as we went about our daily activities…baby, work, school, dinner, etc. There was little to no communication between us. It was bad.

These extreme moments of strain are rare for us. When they happen, it takes EVERYTHING out of me. I can’t think straight, I’m in a terrible mood, and nothing seems to go right during my day. Life is hard and stressful. My husband often experiences the same thing. The longer the issue lingers, the thicker the tension grows. I hate it!

Within a of couple days we got the chance to talk and resolve things. All of the emotion had passed and we were both able to communicate more effectively. There were apologies, hugs, and words of support. Things were good again.

What I realized through all of this is that although things were off track, they way we were affected by the aftermath of the argument proves how strong the connection is between us. Things were intense and we felt it. When you join in holy matrimony with someone, your heart, mind, and spirits are uniquely tied together. It’s a powerful thing. A bond for life.

I love sharing a closeness with my husband and I recognize that it’s not to be taken lightly. Part of his soul rests in my hands. That’s a huge responsibility, but one I proudly carry. I hope to be reminded of that the next time we disagree (on such a major level). I expect that it will cause me to think twice about how I handle myself and as the Bible instructs, to be slow to anger.

Moral of the story: Marriage includes conflict. It isn’t always about roses and kisses. It’s hard sometimes and it takes work. But just like in baking a cake, after you’ve mixed together a bunch of different ingredients and made them work together, you get a sweet, yummy treat in the end!

If I had to offer any tips on handling conflict, I’d say remember to be respectful, listen to your spouse’s concerns (without your defenses up), and know when to pause or start over when things get too heated! Every couple handles disagreements differently. Get to know your spouse and find better ways to both approach and respond to them, in order to make dealing with disagreements more effective.


Posted on October 5, 2011, in Romance Wednesday, The Ring: Marriage and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. I had a fight like that with my husband during the summer of ’09. Or as we call it, “THE ARGUMENT.” And it’s so true. When we’re fighting, I feel so drained and during that actual fight, I got sick. Like, I thought I had food poisoning kind of sick. I’m still trying to manage the “slow to anger” part of marriage…but I’m trying! 🙂

    • Whew! Glad to know we’re not alone. It definitely takes effort not to let your emotions get the best of you. I think I’ll always be a work in progress in that area!

  2. Yes indeed, marriage includes conflict and you have to know how to approach and resolve it gracefully. You have to make it work no matter what.

  3. I believe most of us can understand the sense of loss after an argument with your other half. Solving making peace after a bust up is so good for the relationship. i am happy you and hubby made up.

  4. been there. waking up with my face all tight because we haven’t worked it out. not good. it’s such a relief to talk things out with a cool head and REALLY hear each other.

  5. Those kind of arguments can be a real strain on a relationship, especially when you both know you want to work things out. Like you, my husband and I find ourselves torn apart and dysfunctional when we argue with no resolution.

    When that happens, we try to have a discussion without raised voices and taking our time to get everything out in the open. It’s the resolution that reminds me of what marriage is about. It can’t all be good, but not everything is bad.

    Every relationships have their ups and downs, it’s how you work them out that counts.

    • I couldn’t agree with you more! When I can feel my voice getting to high, I try to bring it back down so as to avoid escalating the disagreement. It helps me to stay calm and focused. I love your statement, “It can’t be all good, but not everything is bad.” 🙂 Thanks for visiting!

  6. Marriage is a full time job and you gotta work at it. We have had some big arguments, especially in the early years of marriage. You have to take care of each other and really try to understand the points that the other person is making. My husband and I think different sometimes and no matter how we try to explain something the other just doesn’t get it. It is best to take a time out and come back to it. We have been married 9 years and still have so much to learn……but thank God we are not where we used to be. lol

    • We had some doozies too, in the beginning! It’s great to see how far we grown from that era. LOL Congrats on almost 10 years on the other side of “I Do!”

  7. I’ve definitely been there. It does take a lot of you. I can’t even imagine adding kids into the mix. But it’s a great feeling when you can step back and come together again later to work it out. Marriage is not a job, per se, but it definitely takes a lot of hard work!

  8. Thankfully the baby was upstairs asleep! LOL We definitely will have to consider her as she starts to get older. I want to set a good example for her on how to handle conflict. Not to hide it, because it’s a part of life; but to show her that it’s all in how you handle yourself that makes the difference.

  9. I have certainly been there. The mental drain that it puts on you if it isn’t resolved is so terrible! It affects work, the way you talk to other people, everything. It is almost as if there is a permanent grey rainy cloud hanging over you until the fight is over. I’ve been with my hubby for 13 years and I can count on my fingers how many times it has happened, but it certainly brought us closer as well.

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